Why Mom Shaming Needs to Stop

Hi everyone and happy hump day! I've been wanting to write about mom shaming for awhile now because over the past few months I've realized how relevant and destructive it is. I think a lot of people don't even know they're doing it and honestly, I was probably guilty of it before I was ever pregnant. It's something that people need to be aware of and AVOID DOING IT. Mom shaming shows up in all different kinds of forms. Whether it's someone telling a mother she's doing motherhood wrong, judging a mom for something they can't control, or even being hard on yourself because of societal standards. I know I was very hard on myself for having to deliver Mia via C-section instead of having a normal delivery. Was it safer for her? Yes, so there was no question in having a C-section but it made me feel like less of a woman and less of a mother. I'm assuming this stems from natural births being so popular and the idea that those moms are braver than other moms who chose epidurals or end up with C-sections. Don't get me wrong, a C-section is not a walk in the park and the recovery isn't very fun either. Five weeks postpartum and my incision still bothers me a bit and it's not the prettiest mark on my body. However, what I should have focused on was the fact that I had a healthy baby and that in itself is amazing.

"No language can express the power, and beauty, and heroism, and majesty of a mother's love." -Edwin Hubbel Chapin

Now that I am a new mom, I've also taken to reading a lot of blogs and posts from other moms regarding mom shaming. The stories some of these women tell is absolutely astonishing. One lady said two strangers walked up to her in public and told her to be at home with her babies, not in the grocery store with them (um, sorry most people don't have personal assistants to get the groceries). Another woman said that she was told since she was a working mom she didn't care about her daughter. I wish I could tell the woman who made that remark, that she can come pay the bills so that mom can stay home with her daughter! Also, some of us honestly enjoy working. A lot of mom shaming comes from people who don't even have children so it leads you to ask yourself, where do they get off judging any mom out there? Even complete strangers feel the need to make comments to mothers they don't know! The worst is when other moms shame each other! There is not one single mom out there who is the world's only good mom. Hate to break it to you but motherhood isn't about competition. It really amazes me how inconsiderate people can be.

Every single mom I know has had a different journey. From pregnancy, to birth, to breastfeeding, to sleeping, etc. Motherhood isn't the same with each of your own children either! I've been very lucky that I've had a relatively easy time breastfeeding so far because that is not easy. I've slowly included various foods as well and she hasn't had any allergies! I know some women who have had a hard time with it and some who are weirded out by it. However, I would never tell another mother, "you're doing this feeding thing wrong" because I've been able to breastfeed. You just have to do whatever works for you. Every baby is very different so what may work for one may not work for another. There's all these books and blogs out there telling us "how to mom correctly" but in my opinion, there is no correct way! There's trial and error and finding out what works best for you and baby. There's nothing more frustrating and demeaning than finding what works for you but then being shamed about it. After hearing a comment about my motherhood tactics I realized that there is nothing more offensive than a mom shaming comment. You can tell me whatever you want about how I look, talk, whatever I don't really care but comment on what I'm doing as a mom (especially a new mom) and beware of my reaction. I'm sure plenty of moms can relate! Don't mess with momma!

"Life doesn't come with a manual, it comes with a mother." -Unknown

This post is a little bit of a rant and a little bit of a reminder to everyone to be mindful of what you say to a mom, or a dad for that matter. Society is already hard on women for just about anything and we don't need to make motherhood harder than it is. It's difficult for most women to find self love so let's not make that any worse. If you have an opinion on someones parenting style, keep it to yourself. I've decided if anyone wants to mom shame me I'm going to have some fun with my remark back to them and let it roll off my shoulders. I suggest you do the same and instead we can share all of our funny clap backs. Don't let someone else bring you down! Love yourself for being a mom and band together with all the other mommas out there!

Also, had to share another picture of our tiny human because I can't help myself :)

xo,
katie